Top Five Headlines That Would Start a Panic at the Racetrack

     5. Team O’Neill plans on doing daily updates SEVEN days a week.

     4. Rental Man to become the new paddock judge.

     3. Rollback on 1964 hotdogs to 1964 prices.

     2. Steve Rothbum slated to drive the Santa Anita barn tour bus.

     1. New state law requires a colonoscopy to be given to every patron cashing a

         winning ticket.