Top Five Christmas Eve Activities of Team O’Neill

     5. Go to church and pray for a winner or two on opening day (why is everyone saying
         watch for lightning?).
     4. Last minute Christmas shopping (does the local liquor store have gift cards?).
     3. Crack out the elastic waistband sweatpants (mainly for comfort, nothing to do with
         a turkey, honey baked ham and variety of desserts that we most likely will
         consume).
     2. Hunker down and watch some pro football (I wish grandma would stop throwing the
         dinner rolls like Aaron Rodgers).
     1. Try to figure out a way to explain to the people we forgot to get gifts for that we
         thought they were Jewish (sorry Mom).

Top Five Ways to Save Money When Purchasing a Christmas Tree

     5. Convert to Judaism until the first of the year.
     4. Win a wager at Hollywood Park and pick a tree up at a good price in the
         parking lot.
     3. Drive around any street in Temple City and pick up one of the fallen trees
         from the side of the road.
     2. Get a cheap coat hanger from the Salvation Army and put a bunch of green
         sweaters on it.
     1. Convince the tree lot manager that you are from the Department of
         Agriculture and their trees are deemed unsafe, then offer to remove the one
         that you want.

Top Five Reasons Hollywood Park Went to Friday Afternoons Instead of Friday Nights

     5. Can you say, “I can’t feel my fingers,” kinda cold?
     4. Now you have time to take all your winnings and hit up the local malls to buy a little
         “Bling Bling” for your loved ones.
     3. The horses are more alert at 12:30pm than they are at 10:30pm.
     2. Afternoon racing suits the tag of,” The Home of the Lakes and Flowers” better than
         the evening tag of, “ The Home of the Flakes and Crawlers.”
     1. When you are in gridlock it is easier to handicap.

Top Five Reasons That Liberal Arts Finally Got It Done

     5. Two words… Joel Rosario.
     4. Three words… Never Win Two.
     3. Four words… Mark Verge didn’t bet.
     2. Five words… Santa answered Russ Sarno’s wish.
     1. One word… AChristmasMiracle.

Top Five Things Learned by Willyconker’s Win Yesterday

     5. Keep Dave Kenney’s silks in the jocks room (Steve Rothblum wrote that).
     4. Bejarano fits him like a glove (not funny but true).
     3. The horse loves Inglewood.
     2. He is fast on grass (as opposed to most people on grass).
     1. If you singled him in the late pick 4, for 50 cents you could have easily taken home
         1800 bucks (man... that could buy a lot of hair dye).

Top Five Reasons Mother Nature Blew Down Team O’Neill’s Santa Anita Barn

     5. She thought the horses would look better in a new modern barn.
     4. She was bored.
     3. She wanted team O’Neill to stay over in Inglewood for an extended period of time
         (over here she is called Mutha Nacha).
     2. She thought Steve Rothblum’s PT cruiser was on fire.
     1. She was play wrestling with old St. Nick and his cologne made her sneeze.